Noontime Session Preview

Noontime Session Preview

More Utopian claptrap from those Noontime Session gurus (don't you find it a tad suspicious they remain anonymous?). I do not question their intentions - bless their little hearts they mean well - but thank goodness The Captain is here to inject the cold, hard truth into the discussion. It is a curiosity to me that these invisible minds would choose to dole out dollops of unsolicited advice about child rearing - I've certainly found that there's nothing parents appreciate more than having their ineptitude pointed out to them!! So attend the session if you are so compelled, either out of a desire to become a better parent or to comply with a DCF court mandate, but first read The Captain's sober interjections below in red.

Conflict management is a crucial skill necessary at any age.? Here's the truth: those who can't win the conflict "manage" it. There are two kinds of kids: bullies and those the bullies beat the snot out of. If your kid is the latter, forget this conflict management stuff. Teach him to run fast. I do agree with the part about any age. Kids comprehend the reality at an early age, even if Mom and Dad don't. Ever wonder why the Rock, Paper, Scissors game is still so popular?? Cause if you can't win playing by the rules, you can "manage" the conflict with the rock and scissors - blunt trauma or puncture wound, take your pick! This seminar will explore ways to help children learn the art of conflict resolution and management (I think the word "art" is a bit presumptuous here given the millennia of more or less uninterrupted warfare, the countless acts of unspeakable human cruelty, the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton drunken donnybrooks, or, more importantly, the Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears spat; I think a better word would be "myth; it's kinda like me and algebra - never could get it!), including accepting that strong emotions are a natural by-product of these situations (WRONG - strong emotions are nothing but trouble and create conflict and should be "managed" with alcohol or painkillers or a combination of the two), as well as helping them learn how to diffuse anger, develop problem-solving skills (on a practical note, I suggest updating the beginning reader books to make them more relevant for our children. "See Spot run" becomes "See Johnny run from the big, fat bully") and teaching how to search for win-win solutions to everyday problems.? (Don't bother with the "win-win" BS; kids know better. Just ask the children who've lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors because the "winner" in trying to smash the scissors with the rock accidentally missed and left a permanent indentation on their skull. You'll never hear them say, "It's a win-win. He won the game but I still have partial use of my left side!"

So be like The Captain: Instigate and then run like heck!!!