Another Fire Safety story compelling enough to bring The Captain out of retirement (once a Floor Captain always a Floor Captain)! Read this true but tragic tale and see my comments below in the festive holiday colors of red and green.
A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children.
Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana after the Nov. 23 incident, said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office.
Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, have five children ranging in age from 1 to 13 years old, Shupe said. Jackson apparently started fighting with his wife after she and the children returned to their Conyers home on Thanksgiving.
At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house, Shupe said. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries, Shupe said.
Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation, Shupe said.
This one is just killing me. How utterly, incomprehensibly thick can Martin Jackson be? The fine print of the oven manufacturer’s operating instructions clearly states that the oven capacity is 1.0 cu. Ft. Even a deranged cretin like Mr. Jackson should realize that you can’t fit a fully grown woman into a conventional sized gas oven!! Doing so placed himself and his five children at great risk. A human body would certainly block the regulated flow of gas and lead to a large and potentially fatal pocket of flammable fury. One spark and the Jackson kitchen would be transformed into nothing less than the apocalypse and roast the Martin family whole! Some Thanksgiving feast that would be!
And leaving the oven on to heat the home? Fire Safety Faux Paux numero uno!
No where in the story is it documented that Mr. Jackson was wearing hot mitts when attempting to place his wife in the oven. What kind of example does that set for the children? Children, like chimpanzees, will mimic their parents’ behaviors. What happens when the 5 year old son decides to throw his 1 year old sister in the oven without the mitts – third degree burns to his hands, that’s what! The Captain declares that irresponsible parenting!
And I hope to heaven that while this was happening there were no steaming pans left on the stove top with handles extended out within reach of the Jackson toddlers with Mom and Dad distracted and unable to supervise!
So accept this kernel of Holiday wisdom from The Captain: NEVER try to stuff your spouse into a conventional sized oven. If you must, be sure to use an industrial sized model.
Yours histrionically,
The Captain
Good for people to know.
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