I have a delicate situation with my condo neighbor (This one may actually be interesting!).
I recently moved into a new place and learned that the hideous figurines in the front yard between the units are not from the previous owner (hence not ours to remove), but belong to the neighbors (That’s not a very nice thing to say about the neighbors’ kids. I find offering candy a much better ice breaker, though my Parole Officer doesn’t particularly care for this approach.)
When I politely approached the neighbor about them to say that I would like to plant some flowers and asked if maybe she could move the figurines somewhere else, she refused (Listen, I also find it a bit odd that they make their kids live in the neighbor’s front garden, but try not to make hasty judgments – leave those to the experts like The Captain!)
When I said that the condo office told me it is my area (Well, what do you expect when you speak to an office and not a real person?), she demanded that I show her in the bylaws where it says the area is mine (the bylaws don't address that). (Let me tell you something about bylaws. I’ve read a million of these things and they are about as lucid as a George W. Bush essay on nukeleear, newculer, nookleer?? Physics.)
At first, the condo office told me the area was mine to decorate but is now saying it is common ground and we must work it out. (Can you say, "PUNT?")
There are several 1-foot tall figurines, and one of them is the backside of a girl looking over her shoulder with her bloomers pulled down (I think you are being a little insensitive. First of all, clearly the little ones are suffering from some horrible congenital condition that stunts their growth – I mean, they’re quite fortunate Mom & Dad haven’t yet sold them to Ringling Brothers!. Secondly, what century are you from???? Bloomers went out with the Puritans!)
Every day when I get home from work, I get mooned before I walk in the door (Probably the only ass you’ll ever see). I think they are extremely tacky and are certainly not my choice of decoration (Now I really must protest. These “tacky” things have feelings too, conflicted though they may be!).
Is there a reasonable solution for this?
-- Mooned in D.C.
Dear Mooned in DC,
Move to a gated community in Connecticut with Draconian Association rules (and the muscle to enforce them). I recommend Greenwich, CT, just not in the same neighborhood as the Skakel family. If you can’t afford to do this, I can suggest 3 debatably legal options which I must not write here (the CT Dept. of Corrections is a regular reader, if you get my drift). If you have a heap of disposable cash, please send an email to The Captain with your home phone number and wait for me to contact you. If not, don’t bother me again with your petty complaints.
Believe The Captain when says: Stay out of the Garden, lest you accidentally step on the freakishly small children.
Yours waiting for that call,
The Captain
And the poor little girl has a beard! It's only a matter of time before P.T. Barnum comes a callin'.
No comments:
Post a Comment