Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day
When : Always on February 20
On this winter day, people go out at noon, wave their hands over their heads and chant "Hoodie-Hoo". It is a day to chase away winter and bring in spring. After all, everyone in the northern hemisphere is sick and tired of winter at this point and a little crazy being cooped up inside all winter and not seeing the sun.
I don’t think this is anything special on the face of it – I believe Minnesotans do this every day in the winter already – but as a matter of principle, the Captain applauds the concept of making up Holidays on a whim. And shouting Hoodie-Hoo is funny - at least it is when you watch some other grown man or woman do it. Plus, it beats John Berryman Day, which celebrates the anniversary of the tortured American poet’s suicide plunge from the Washington Avenue Bridge in Minneapolis. Apparently tired of the long Minnesota winters, the poor soul was so drunk that he missed the water and died, not by drowning or trauma, but by smothering, according to the Minneapolis Star, which reported his death.
And there’s nothing like Midwestern nonsense nomenclature for impressing your friends at a rave with witty utterances like: “Stick it up your Hoodie-Hoo.” Or “Would you like to come up to my room and see my Hoodie-Hoo?” Perhaps “I just scored some awesome Hoodie-Hoo at the Hootenanny.” And for you sophisticates, “Neo-Platonism is substantive, but Gnosticism is pure “Hoodie-Hoo.”
Insurance Awareness Day
When : Always June 28th
The antithesis of the whimsical Holiday, this contrivance of the Insurance industry is dry, boring and self-serving and should be avoided at all costs. And children should be prohibited from participating, lest they get any bright ideas about pursuing a career in Insurance. In fact, several states are considering legislation making it illegal to bring children in to an Insurance office. Write your local representative today!
Yellow Pig Day
When : Always July 17th
Yellow Pig Day is a mathematician's holiday celebrating yellow pigs and the number 17. It is celebrated annually since the early 1960's, primarily on college campuses, and primarily by mathematicians. On campus, Yellow Pig Cake and Yellow Pig Carols are tradition!
Yes, it makes sense this started in the Sixties. No, there is no such thing as a yellow pig. Yes, mathematicians made it up and think it’s somehow funny. No, it is in no way, shape or rhombus funny. Yes, they really have Yellow Pig Carols. No, I have no effin clue why these socially maladjusted people worship the number 17. Yes, I’d love to hear the explanation. No, I probably wouldn’t understand it anyway, though Satan’s fingerprints are all over this one.
Certainly one could argue that this Holiday has a whimsical element. But methinks The Captain, who struggles with basic addition and subtraction, is being generous by putting this one in the category of “esoteric” (fancy talk for “Weird as Hoodie-Hoo”).
National Tap Dance Day
When: Always May 25th
It's National Tap Dance Day. Today is a great day to dance the night away.... and the daytime, too!
This day was created in honor of the birthday of legendary tap dancer Bill "Bojangles" Robinson on May 25, 1878.
A traumatic Holiday for yours truly. Ma and Pa Captain had me convinced as a child that Indentured service for minors was still legal. Being a veritable Oliver Twist, The Captain, in his youthful innocence, didn’t know any better. So when my birth mother told me I was signed up for Tap Dancing lessons at Miss Janet’s School of Dance in downtown Torrington, I did my duty. Heel. Toe. Heel. Toe. This is the extent of what I learned, so when it came time to dress up in my black patent leather tap shoes, shiny orange satin Chinese pant suit, and smart green sequined peasant-in-the-rice-paddies hat and perform “Who Ate the Chicken in the Chicken Chow Mein,” I was ill-equipped to face the near capacity crowd at the historic Warner Theater; I Toed when I should have Heeled and Heeled when I should have toed. And the spin…and the chopsticks…oh the horror! I never forgave myself for impaling that poor little girl. (All photographs of this historic recital have mysteriously disappeared.)
Curses on you Bojangles!!!
Believe The Captain when he says: In the hands of a frightened, uncoordinated child, Chop Sticks can be deadly!
Yours full of Hoodie-Hoo,
The Captain
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