Ways to Drop the F Bomb

Warning: The following passage contains very naughty words, phrases, idioms, and sentences. If you are offended by profanity, you probably aren’t reading this. But if by chance you are, you might want to navigate back to redbook.com.

Still reading, eh? Well, it feels good to be naughty every now and again. Enjoy!

The Captain has a degree in English Literature. If you haven’t noticed (this is for my comatose readers), I wear my diploma like a badge of honor, which gets really uncomfortable at times since its fairly large and permanently cemented in a stiff cardboard frame by some unidentified sticky substance. All substances aside, I do love words. I could propose a cheesy contest and ask you all to guess what The Captain’s all-time favorite word is. This would be a trick question, though, because most of you would guess the “F” word. However, the real answer is “The,” the definite article, mostly because it is a word that I have usurped from the English language and used as a clever and emphatic prefix for my Pseudonym. I am no ordinary captain; I am THE Captain, the genuine and most definite article with an obsessive compulsion for alliterative punning (see what I mean!). That being said in way too many words, my second favorite word is the incendiary F Bomb, because it’s the most f*&kin’ versatile word ever. Let me write to you about this.

Ways to Drop the F Bomb

1) Verb in an Exclamatory Sentence: “F*&k You!”
2) Noun in a Declarative Sentence: “She’s a cool f*&k.” Note: Simply interchanging adjectives dramatically changes the meaning of the above sentence and effectively illustrates the incredible diversity of our favorite word. For example, replace “cool” with “great” and you see what I mean.
3) Noun phrase modifier in a Declarative sentence: “He is f*&ked up.” Drop the itty bitty word “up” and we once again have a completely different reading.
4) Expression of awe in an Exclamatory Sentence: “F*&k.”
5) Adverb in an Interrogative Sentence: “What are you f*&king doing?”
6) Simple adjective in an Exclamatory Sentence: “F*&king b*&ch!”
7) Verb in an Interrogative Sentence: “Wanna f*&k?”
8) Expression of extreme anger in an Exclamatory Mono-word Sentence: “F*&k!”
9) Inflection matters. The subtlest change in inflection can dramatically alter the meaning:

She’s a good “f*&k.” or “She’s a good f*&k.”

“F*&k me!” or “F*&k me.”

10) Multiple uses in a tongue twister: “The f*&cking stupid f*&k who f*&cking f*&ked that f*&cking idiot is f*&cked up.”

Believe The Captain when he says: Never screw when you can f*&k!

Yours from my B 52,

The Captain