Rules to Live By

There is a crime drama on network television called NCIS, featuring the character of one Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, a charismatic retired Marine whose gut instincts are legendary for never being wrong. Leroy’s agents can all quote from memory his rules for living. Rules like “Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness.” Or rule number twelve: “Never get involved with a coworker.” Gibb’s gut has a perfect record about all things with one notable exception: women. Though he can hardly be excoriated for that! Reportedly, God created woman, but I don’t think he had any idea about what he had done. Gibbs would concur, no doubt, as he has been divorced three times. Oh, and then there’s the very attractive female Agency Director. If you watch the show, you come to learn that once upon a time she and Jethro were partners in the field and broke rule number twelve together in a farmhouse in Sarajevo while on a stakeout.

The Captain has a gut, albeit a different kind, and likes the idea of creating rules to live by. So here they are! The Captain's Rules to Live By!

Rule # 1: Make no rules about women.

Rule # 2: NEVER eat airport burritos.

Rule # 3: A bottle a day keeps the doctor away!

Rule # 4: Never apologize, especially to a woman. It’s a sign that you’re wrong, which is not possible. (Look at that. I’ve already gone and broken Rule # 1).

Rule # 5: The speed limit is actually a speed suggestion.

Rule # 6: Real Americans don’t eat Tofu.

Rule # 7: NEVER hug Ronald McDonald (don’t ask).

Rule # 8: Never give your child a mercury thermometer when he’s teething (did you get that, Mom?!)

Rule # 9: Divine syllogism - God made alcohol; God is good; alcohol is good. Drink alcohol!

Rule # 11: Satanic syllogism – Satan tempted woman. Woman tempted man. Temptation is evil. Drink alcohol!

Rule # 12: Always keep your lawyer’s phone number handy, just in case you overzealously practice rules 9 and 11.

Lucky Rule # 13: The Captain’s Golden Rule – Nothing is sacred…except laughter.

Believe The Captain when he proclaims: I make the rules!

Yours looking for Rule # 10,

The Captain