Bong Hits for Boomers

The Captain is very interested in Health Care reform, especially with regard to pain management and stress reduction. I think it's high time that all Health Insurers pay for medical marijuana. Because once the Insurance behemoths sanction it, then it is just a matter of time before the government they control legalizes canabis. And since seniors love their Medicare ( a socialist program, by the way) and vote in droves, there is more than a glimmer of hope, given the incredible news story below.Thank you Myrmidon Ginta for the referral! Normally, I cannot disagree with the wisdom of the old adage: you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But apparently, if you get the old dogs baked, all bets are off! So without further ado, grab your water bongs and prepare for enlightenment! See my commentary in red.

Bong Hits for Boomers: Marijuana Smoking on Rise for Seniors

Some Baby Boomers aren't giving up smoking pot as they age. Others are coming back to it as they retire.

In her 88 years, Florence Siegel has learned how to relax: a glass of red wine; a crisp copy of The New York Times, if she can wrest it from her husband; some classical music, preferably Bach; and every night like clockwork she lifts a pipe to her lips and smokes marijuana. Well, better late than never, Florence. Her accessories are odd, but I’ll give her a pass given she’s a novice. The Red Wine is acceptable, but the frickin’ NY Times?? And no one “wrests” anything from anyone when they’re stoned. Geez, no one does much of anything when they’re stoned. And Baroque and Bones are oxymoronic (if any of you get this statement, let me know – just curious). But all is forgiven Florence – the old coot has her own pipe!

A survey by the federal government found the percentage of people 50 and older using marijuana went from 1.9 percent in 2002 to 2.9 percent in 2008. On the face of it, not a very compelling stat, until you take into consideration that the folks on the wrong side of fifty are the fastest growing segment of the population in the U.S.

The rise was most dramatic among 55- to 59-year-olds. Their reported marijuana use more than tripled from 1.6 percent in 2002 to 5.1 percent. Observers expect further increases as 78 million boomers born between 1945 and 1964 age. So, 5.1 % of 78 million is roughly 4 million boomers. If the average boomer smokes one joint a day, and, factoring in decreased lung capacity due to overall wear and tear to the human body, it takes, on average, 8 tokes to finish the doobie, that comes out to 32 million tokes a day!!! God is truly blessing America. Non sequitur – more of an apology, actually. I apologize for the overuse of the word “toke.” It’s just that it’s such a cool word and I get so few opportunities to use it, I just can’t help myself.

Among them is Perry Parks, 67, of Rockingham, N.C., a retired Army pilot who suffered crippling pain from degenerative disc disease and arthritis. He had tried all sorts of drugs, from Vioxx to epidural steroids, but found little success.

About two years ago he turned to marijuana, which he first had tried in college, and was amazed how well it worked for the pain.

"I realized I could get by without the narcotics," Parks said, referring to prescription painkillers. We’ll forgive him this gaffe. The dude was high as a Chinese Battle Kite at the State Fair. "I am essentially pain free."

For many seniors, smoking pot was something they at least tried in high school or college and doesn't have the stigma it had for those born earlier. Stigma, stigmata, stigmatism – words that have absolutely nothing to do with any point I’m trying to make, though I’ve heard that marijuana is a great help to people with Glaucoma, which has something to do with your eyes, just like stigmatism. Hmm…sounds like the trivial verbal trash exhaled by someone who’s had a few too many tokes!

But older users could be at risk for falls if they become dizzy and smoking it increases the risk of heart disease and it can cause cognitive impairment, said Dr. William Dale, chief of geriatrics and palliative medicine at the University of Chicago Medical Center. Ah, the old Risk versus Reward debate. I know which side I’m on. Every step a senior takes is one step closer to a fractured hip, which is extremely painful. They’re just gonna end up lighting up some medical marijuana anyway, so why wait for the calcium in your hip to crumble? I say fire one up today!

Dennis Day, a 61-year-old attorney in Columbus, Ohio, said when he used to get high, he wore dark glasses to disguise his red eyes, feared talking to people on the street and worried about encountering police. With age, he says, any drawbacks to the drug have disappeared. I applaud Dennis for his candor but have to chuckle at his disjointed reasoning (yes, I said “disjointed”!). He wore glasses, not because he had red eyes or feared social interaction or arrest, but because he was stoned out of his gourd.

"My eyes no longer turn red, I no longer get the munchies," Day said. "The primary drawbacks to me now are legal." Hmm…pot that doesn’t give you the munchies. Kinda like that special garlic with all the taste but none of the odor. I wonder how the manufacturer of Doritos feels about that.

Siegel bucks the trend as someone who was well into her 50s before she tried pot for the first time. She can muster only one frustration with the drug. I need to have Mom get in touch with Florence.

"I never learned how to roll a joint," she said. "It's just a big nuisance. It's much easier to fill a pipe." No, no Florence, do not apologize! You got it right the first time. It IS much easier to fill a pipe.

Believe The Captain when he says: Pipe over paper!

Yours typing and toking,

The Captain