Monday, October 13, 2008

Past Life Aggression

Being an armchair psychologist of the lowest order, I am always interested in hearing how my peers are profiting from unsubstantiated pseudo-psychological scams. My readers understand this and one of my original supporters alerted me to such a “peer”, one Dr. Brian Weiss, and the snake oil he is peddling. It is called “Past Life Regression” and from what I can tell, it’s little more than Woodstock redux for baby boomers. So see my commentary below in that red font I am so fond of. This fondness goes back to my school boy days. After several years of receiving my school assignments back littered with comments from my teachers in bright red ink, I asked my mother about it. She told me that this was the way my teachers acknowledged my “special gifts.” Armed with this knowledge, The Captain always went out of his way to accentuate his gifts in his school work – and it worked, because my High School Guidance Counselor once confessed to me that they had to order extra red pens to keep up with my “individuality”!

PAST LIFE REGRESSION

For some, a “curiosity”! For others, a “valued therapeutic technique”! Yours truly has been called a “curiosity” so it’s really nothing to brag about. And I’ll give you some “valued” therapeutic techniques: drinking, playing practical jokes on your annoying neighbors, imbibing, consuming 3 packages of OREO double stuffed in under an hour, tipping (cows or booze), playing ping pong while on the table, and reading the disoriented musings of a deluded insurance “professional” on the internet. In this workshop, participants will learn about Past Life Regression and actually have an opportunity to be part of group regression sessions – providing everyone first-hand experience with this revolutionary approach to self-exploration (In my day they called this masturbation)! More than a decade ago, Dr. Brian Weiss, M.D. astonished the world of psychiatry with the theories of past-life regression detailed in his best-selling book, “Many Lives, Many Masters”. I have no doubt his “peers” were indeed “astonished”, just like my family was astonished when my Uncle Harry informed us that his chronic unemployment was the result of the traumatic effects of an alien abduction. Since that time, the therapeutic value of past-life regression has gained widespread recognition and Brian Weiss has become the nation’s foremost authority in this field. I need some clarification on “Past Life.” Is this, like, my metaphorical past life as a Heroin junkie? Or is it literally a past Reincarnation life, like the time I came back as a lug nut? Or does it refer to something as simple as my Witness Protection Program identity? You can see my dilemma. Your instructor has had the good fortune to study with Brian Weiss and promises that whether you’re one of the curious or serious-minded (What about us simple-minded??), this workshop will present you with plenty of food-for-thought and experiences to remember! I’d prefer just regular workshop food, even those pre-packaged lunch boxes with the microscopic portion of Pasta Salad and a double cookie pack. (Class size is limited - Wear loose comfortable clothing, and if you’d like, bring a floor mat or blanket.) Does it raise any red flags with you when someone asks you to wear loose clothing and bring your own floor mat? The cost for this workshop is $25. The Captain is offering his own Past Life Regression workshop in the rear parking lot. For the bargain price of $5 you get a large plastic cup, which I will fill with ice cold amber wisdom from the large metallic cylinder in the back of my vehicle. After partaking of enough wisdom, you will surely regress to some form of past “adolescence.”

Believe The Captain when he says: Be warned: Past lives can be embarrassing, or even felonious!

Yours from the 7th Grade,

The Captain

1 comment:

  1. Very insightful commentary. However, it seems as though it's one highball short of being excellent. I suggest a heavier dose of self-medication prior to attempting further commentary/

    PS: The yellow and red text on blue background is not easily read; it seems to be moving and conflicting with itself. I suggest using the same colors that are on the left sidebar. Those are much more comfortable to the sober eye.

    ReplyDelete

Myrmidon

About Me

To quote the amazing Frank Turner: "I won't sit down. I won't shut up. And most of all, I will not grow up!" That's an apt description of me. If you disagree, please refer to the above quote.

Fire Safety Advice et al. - but mostly et al. Email your question or comment to thefloorcaptain@gmail.com