The Floor Captain: Redneck Games

The Redneck Games – What I Learned: A Journey in Pictures

Every year, Rednecks from around the country gather to show their redneck pride by participating in the Redneck Games, which is like the Olympics minus the corporate sponsors and fit and trim athletes. Once again, due to a scheduling conflict (I had plans to shop for surge protectors), I was unable to attend 2010 games in person, but thanks to the modern miracle of technology, I was able to search the web for wonderful photos of this glorious event. Below is my photojournalistic journey into a world I’d hoped had disappeared decades ago: the 2010 Redneck Games!

Here are some little-known Redneck games.

This is Mud Skiing!

For obvious reasons, this sport, known unofficially as Statutory Rape, is a not-so-well-kept Redneck secret.

My personal favorite: Bobbing for Pigs Feet!

Goofy old Redneck Men

(No captions necessary)

Rednecks take to mud like pigs take to shit (I hope that's just mud)

I know! What's she doing with him??

The after-coitus-in-the-mud cigarette - I just pray to God it was with a human.

Like their simian cousins, Rednecks are masters of ingenuity.

Rednecks appreciate creature comforts. Interpret that anyway you like.

Redneck Yacht Club

Preparing for the Fireworks Show

Official Redneck Games Torch!

I always thought that the picture circulating the world wide interweb of the guy playing horseshoes with the toilet seat was staged; but Toilet Seat Horseshoing is apparently a competitive sport and toilet seats are a great for placing your ass...er, I mean ads.

I think she's got a flag for all fifty states and a spare just in case Puerto Rico achieves statehood.

I'd ask where that tongue has been except I'm pretty sure it was on that toilet seat.

So they use plungers for something other than sex!

Come to mama!

She looks normal. What's up with that?

This one's up for a CLIO

Haystacks Calhoun had a love child! Who knew or even thought it physically possible??

Redneck Hotness!!

(I will risk no captions below.)

They start ‘em young; the photographs below answer once and for all the Nature versus Nurture debate. Even the most outrageous human behavior can be nurtured.

(Warning: The images below may obliterate your fragile belief in humankind)

What? No mullet??

God gives each child a special talent.

What's that on the edge of the horseshoe?

Cute little girl in a Condedrate flag bikini - there are just too many mixed messages to address so I'll leave well enough alone.

I had no idea there was so much Confederate flag apparel.