I was having a reflective father and son talk recently with my youngest legitimate, an eleven year old ginger with a mischievous grin and a Captainesque imagination. He is responsible for taking care of a pet parakeet and was wondering what all the funny bird sounds really meant. He questioned the accuracy of our interpretation of said sounds. Was Seamus (the budgie) thanking him for giving him food or critiquing it? Below are some examples of possible human/bird miscommunication identified by father and son.
· When Seamus clicks quietly like a metronome, he could be saying:
§ “I am content; my food trough is filled with healthy seeds and my water bowl with fresh, crystal clear water.” OR…
§ “That’s the sound of a ticking time bomb; I’m sick of that dry garbage you feed me – I wouldn’t serve that crap to a diseased wren! And I shit in my water but lack the fine motor skills to clean it up! I’m just waiting for an opportunity to get my razor sharp beak on your ear lobe and never let go!
· When he chirps melodically he is singing:
§ “My cage is my castle and in it I am happy and safe living with my human benefactors.” OR…
§ “Mother Canary, Mother Canary, do you copy? Imprisoned by giant, psychotic biped homo sapiens. Please summon the giant eagles to come and rescue me!”
· When he squawks loudly and climbs the cage walls, he is shouting:
§ “Time for some fun and exercise; come play with me!” OR…
§ “Get me the f*ck out of here!!!!!!”
· When he sits stock still and stares at me with his bright black eye, he is thinking:
§ “I gaze upon my lord and protector, my source of light and life. I am in awe.” OR…
§ “I must locate the jugular artery. I may only get one shot so I’ve got to get it right.”
· When he sits on my shoulder and poops on me, is he communicating:
§ “I am relaxed around you and even feel comfortable moving my bowels while in your company.” OR…
§ “I shit on you, human jailkeeper.”
Believe The Captain when he says: Fly away little bird!...oops, I forgot, your wings are clipped.
Yours wearing a beak-proof scarf,
The Captain
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