The Captain's IQ Quiz

The Captain’s IQ Quiz for the Cerebrally Challenged (a multiple choice quiz because that was always my favorite kind – other than the unannounced essay quiz.)

1. A Macaw is:
a. A Unicorn in heat
b. A Native American tribe that was driven from Fall River, MA, by drunk European settlers
c. A large colorful parrot
d. All of the above

2. Chourico is:
a. Slang for an Insurance Slut
b. The scientific name for moldy Portuguese sausage
c. A Mexican parlor game played with a piñata, tequila, and strippers
d. A Guatemalan folk dance

3. Ike is:
a. Tina Turner’s makeup artist
b. A nickname for the US President Dwight D. Eisenhower
c. Official name given to the 2008 Hurricane that struck the Gulf Coast in September
d. All of the above

4. Table Tennis is:
a. The formal name for Ping Pong
b. A sport played with paddles and a small white ball (sometimes while standing drunk on the table)
c. An activity used by Forest Gump to keep his hands occupied.
d. Tennis for Lilliputians

5. The Insurance profession is:
a. God’s way of punishing people who couldn’t decide what they wanted to do when they grow up
b. A popular work destination for the Witness Protection Program
c. Like moving the bowels – a necessary but malodorous function.
d. The new Hell

Bonus Question!

6. The square root of π is:
a. I have no effin clue
b. Huh?
c. Irrelevant
d. A trick question

Answer Key

1. C (tastes like chicken)
2. B, if you believe in junk science, which I do
3. D (Though A is a cheap shot for sure)
4. A (And you thought it was B!)
5. A, B, C, or D
Bonus Question
6. A, B, C, or D

Each correct answer is worth 20 points. As questions 5 and 6 each had 4 correct answers to choose from, even the dimmest of wits (aka Dwits) should score at least 40. Good news for morons who still managed to score a big fat 0 (neither E nor any subsequent letter in the Alphabet would ever be correct); regardless of the score, your status as a moron is safe.

Believe The Captain when he says: Shetland Ponies are not Unicorns, so don’t bother to “borrow” one from the local circus farm and try to hide it in your back yard – they have no magical powers and are not invisible; AND a D average equals a diploma

Yours with a “solid” D plus average,

The Captain