The Logophile

I am a logophile. And though I admit to being offensive, you will not find The Captain’s name on any registry for illegal offenders. Of course, The Captain is a pen name and would not be found on any legal documents anyway. But more importantly, it is imperative for you all to know up front that a logophile is a person who loves words. This does not make me a criminal or a deviant, just a bit odd. Some people love animals, so much so they volunteer their time rescuing animals at risk., which is a perfect segway to the topic of this blog: word rescue. There is a marvelous website called Save the Words (http://www.savethewords.org/) which is dedicated to saving words teetering on the precipice of verbal extinction (something many have wished for my words, I might add).

Thankfully, unlike animal rescue, which can be smelly and messy and expensive, word rescue is cheap, easy and clean, like my wayward cousin (OK maybe not “clean”). One needs only to use a word in a sentence to keep it alive. And given my obsessive compulsive tendency for lengthy parentheticals, The Captain is a word savior if ever there was one! So time for The Captain to save some word souls.

Word Disciples of The Captain

Panchymagogue: medicine purging body fluids from the body.

Saving sentence – When using beer as a panchymagogue, PBR works best.

Lubency: willingness; pleasure.

Lambition: Act of licking or lapping

Saving sentence – The Captain’s lubency for lambition leads to a need for a panchymagogue.

Obacerate: to stop one’s mouth.

Saving sentence: On average, The Captain receives a dozen daily requests to obacerate.

Pregnatress: female power that generates or gives birth to something.

Gumfiate: to cause to swell.

Saving sentence: Her pregnatress made me gumfiate down below.

Hirquitalliency: strength of voice.

Saving sentence: Mom always said my f*&king hirquitalliency gave her a headache.

Recineration: second time a thing or place is burned down.

Saving sentence: My probation officer said that incineration was bad, but recineration would get me a date with the judge.

Adimpleate: to fill up.

Saving sentence: Barkeep, adimpleate my mug!

Foppotee: a simple minded person.

Tudiculate: To bruise or pound.

Saving sentence: The bullies would tudiculate me whenever I called them Foppotees.

Diffibulate: to unbutton; to unbuckle.

Saving sentence: My amorous adventures would always begin with diffibulation and invariably end in tudiculation.

Doomed Words

Ovablastic: making eggs burst open in the womb.

Death Knell: Using this word in a sentence would only get me in big trouble.

Urette: dried animal urine absorbed into chalky soil.

Death Knell: So esoteric, even The Captain wouldn’t use this word in a sentence. Perhaps if it referred to the ribald messages we peed on the dirt infield of the Little League field…

Woundikins: mild profanity.

Death Knell: There really is no purpose for mild profanity.

Believe The Captain when he says: I do not suffer boreism (behavior of a boring person!

Yours cloakatively (superficially),

The Captain (time for me to obacerate)