It often happens that I have thoughts I’d like to add to my blogs, but unfortunately for me, these thoughts are, like me in high school, either tardy or absent for publication. Now I could go back and amend a blog, but I’m way too lazy for that, so I decided to start a new practice: make random updates to recent blogs. It’s not very hard to make arbitrary changes to a published document after the fact. Who says Project Managers never taught me anything?! So time to turn on the fan and let it fly!
The Summer Intern Blog: This one is still being discussed at lunch with my coworkers. Today, one such conversation had moved from the purported efficacy of outsourcing to whether summer interns should be paid for showing up and looking young and attractive when I had a stroke of Captainesque creativity and proposed that we offshore our internship program. Not only will the offshore interns look nice but they will actually do work at the same time. Plus, you can take them home with you, where they will gladly cook and clean and perform other services on demand – always with a gracious smile!
The Soccer Blog: Upon review, soccer remains a second tier sport; plus, no sport worth its balls would ever boast of a maneuver called a “nutmeg,” a spice used to flavor baked squash pies.
The Parakeet Blog: This past weekend, sometime after 2 in the morning and 6 gin and tonics, 4 Pina Coladas and some unknown quantity of beer, I learned that parakeets do in fact talk. Me and Seamus the Parakeet had a long, productive and candid discussion about my suspicions. Turns out, he does in fact hate my guts and told me straight out that he if managed to escape his cage he’d take aim at my aorta with his razor sharp beak if given the chance. I immediately went to the garage, got out my blow torch, and soldered his cage permanently shut. I’m so glad we had our little chat!
Who Am I? Blog. After a great deal of brutally honest soul searching, I learned that I am not who I think I am. Seriously, I just received a copy of the paternity report from the Fertility Clinic and it turns out that my real father is not the Milkman after all, but some itinerant mental hospital outpatient preacher. Yikes.
Bucket List Blog: One addition. Before I die, I want to actually do some good in the world, like run a baseball clinic for English Soccer goalies to show them how the hands are properly used.
Jargon Juice Blog: New phrase – “Perform an Appendectomy.” Slang for removing the most unnecessary member of the Project Team, the Project Manager.
Fridge Militia Blog: Two summer interns reportedly ran afoul of the Fridge Militia and were forcibly removed from their homes in the middle of the night. Word on the floor is they stole leftovers from the communal fridge.
The Male Brain Blog: Still searching for one!!
Believe The Captain when he says: Balls Over Brains!!!
Yours shooting baskets with a soccer ball, to show it how a ball should really feel,
The Captain
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